One thing I had forgotten, having now lived in NZ for 30 years, is the magnificent coverage of football here in England. Large daily doses of opinion and action but one thing they don’t have is Premier League Pass. My mates over here cannot believe we can access every game of the Premier League live or on demand for just 100 quid. If I could offer it to them here they would rip my arm off. I am not being paid to say this it just reinforces for me what a great product the lads at Coliseum have given us. Pity they are slightly retarded and support the wrong teams. Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs supporters are not exactly the most upright of citizens. Never mind, here is my view of this weekend’s action… Continue Reading

I am very excited as I write this week’s preview just before boarding a plane with my two youngest on a pilgrimage to the motherland and the Boleyn Ground. As magnificent a service as Premier League Pass is there is nothing quite as spiritually uplifting as abusing the Fat One in person. As a young lad I used to be both intimidated and amused by the old geezers getting stuck in with the verbals every time West Ham were rubbish (which was most weeks). A few years back I had the horrible realisation that I had become one of those old geezers. The game of the weekend is undoubtedly the North West derby between Liverpool and Manchester United with the Reds able to leap-frog their rivals with a win. Other questions which will be answered: Can Manuel Pellegrini lift his side to keep up some semblance of a challenge? Will Mourinho’s mob hit the heights of the early season or will they stumble across the finishing line? And will Leicester fight back at Spurs or give up the will to live? For thoughts on this and more Continue Reading

A weekend where several teams flew out of the starting gate and had matters sewn up before half-time. Biggest shock of the week was the downing of Citeh by lowly Burnley which has just about ended the Champions dream of retaining their title. Other happenings included the Eagles hammering another nail into QPR’s coffin, the Arse picking up their customary three points from the Hammers, Villa doing their impersonation of a fire drill and evacuating the Stadium of Light before half time and Chelsea yet again failing to win at Stamford Bridge. For more on the weekend’s shenanigans, Continue Reading

The countdown begins with most sides having ten games left to play. Whilst Chelsea look to have the title in the bag they have been a little bit flat in recent weeks and face a tricky fixture at home to Southampton this week. For fans of many teams it is the time when the calculators and protractors come out to work out the chances of their team qualifying for Europe/staying up. This weekend sees some serious questions being asked – Will Van Gaal’s disjointed rabble steal yet another three points? Will Palace inflict a potentially fatal wound on London rivals QPR? Can Garry Monk get one over on one of his predecessors at the Liberty Stadium? And what excuse will the Fat One come up with this week as the Gunners tear the Hammers a new one at the Emirates? For this and more, Continue Reading

Another busy week for the Premier League where no sooner have we digested the weekend’s results than another round is upon us. The big news at the weekend was Liverpool’s defeat of Citeh which left the sky blue Mancunians still five points behind Chelsea but with a game less to play. There was of course Palace keeping up their good run but I would rather not mention that as I am still undergoing counselling. Big couple of mornings coming up where this season’s fortunes could take another turn. Can Villa finally get a result in the league for new boss Tim Sherwood? Can Citeh bounce back at home to bottom-placed Leicester and keep their rapidly fading hopes alive? And how many goals will Chelsea put past West Ham or will we see another miracle akin to that of two years ago when West Ham finally fronted up against their West London rivals? For more on the midweek games.. Continue Reading

Only 8 games in the Premier League as Chelsea and Spurs take time out to ponce around at Wembley in some final or other that no-one really cares about except the fans of those teams who have been trying to convince me that it is the most important game of the week. Wouldn’t it be great if it were possible for both sides to lose?

Meanwhile back in real football there are some intriguing fixtures. Can Alan Pardew get his Eagles to soar and drop their waste all over West Ham? Can the Magpies bounce back and dent the semi-permanent smile on Tim Sherwood’s face? Will Brendan Rodgers see his side move into the top 4 and can the Clarets take advantage of QPR’s inaction and push them into the mire? For my thoughts on this and more… Continue Reading

Just when you think the title race is over the Premier League throws in another twist. Chelsea’s failure to beat Burnley coupled with Citeh’s thrashing of the Magpies has given new life to the battle for supremacy and ensures a few more nervous moments for the Kings Road Mincers and their fans. Not that they will be the only mob suffering from stress and multiple heart-attack moments as the season builds to a climax. Buttocks will be clenched and breath held at both ends of the table as the next few weeks play out. How did your rabble go at the weekend? Read on for my perspective… Continue Reading

Always hard to tell how sides are going to perform after a break for Cup games and so it proved this last weekend. Quite a few sides under-performed and left my predictions in tatters (well that is my excuse for a woeful effort). At the final whistle in many games there would have been quite a few fans praying for some salvation in the form of some robust transfer activity but most would have been bitterly disappointed as most of the media speculation proved to be hot air and not much of import really happened. Amongst the weekend’s highlights were the Tigers getting a good pecking from the Magpies, the battle of the table-topping Blues ending in a rather flat stalemate, honeymoon’s ending for the two P’s (Pardew and Pulis) and another year added to my personal long wait for a win at Anfield. For this and more Continue Reading

The FA Cup proved an enjoyable interlude for those of us whose sides progressed. I was enjoying the prospect of giving much stick to all my mates who support the current top three sides in the Premier League after their demise but am assured by all of them that it is part of their club’s plan to concentrate on the league. And there was me thinking that they were just outplayed by lesser opposition. Back to business this weekend and some intriguing fixtures with the highlight surely being the Chelsea v Citeh clash. Can the special one move his side eight points clear once more? Can Princess Pardew continue to turn Palace into a fantasyland? Will John Carver wish he hadn’t been given the Newcastle job until the end of the season? And will my personal Anfield nightmare end after 52 years? For this and more… Continue Reading

Many would have gone into the weekend contemplating a change at the top of the table. Chelsea had a tough trip to Swansea and Citeh were at home against Arsenal, who everyone knows cannot beat top four competitors away from home. Well as it turned out the Kings Road Mincers went on a Swan killing spree, and the Citizens got a good old Arse-spanking. Amongst other happenings Villa managed yet another 90 minutes without troubling the scoreboard, the Red Devils obviously still have dark powers on their side and the Eagles continue their honeymoon with Alan Pardew. For this and more, read on……..

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The Premier League is over the holiday hump and on the long home straight. The bottom half of the table holds the most intrigue for me with teams swapping places regularly and results very hard to predict. Several teams have built up some anti-relegation momentum and will be looking to keep that going this week. Can Villa finally find the back of opposition net or will Paul Lambert join Roy Keane in exiting the club? Will Alan Pardew take Palace to Turf Moor and turn the Clarets blue? Can the Arse finally beat a top four contender away from home and will Kevin Nolan get yet another opportunity to tarnish his reputation and bring the West Ham shirt into disrepute once more? For this and other matters… Continue Reading

Whilst the top of the table is starting to settle down the bottom is a rapidly shifting landscape. No sooner do we all write off a team’s chances of survival then they go and win a couple of games and make liars out of us. Leicester are the latest to perform such a resurrection and make predicting the three sides to be relegated nigh on impossible (go on and try it. I will go for Hull, Villa and QPR to start the debate). This week saw Chelsea avenge a mauling, Palace start to fly once more and the Saints go marching in after the battle of the Dutchmen. Continue Reading

I can still remember that cold November evening back in 1998. I can still smell the cigarette smoke and hear the old lady sat behind me in the Main Stand as she asked who this young streak of urine was who was about to replace Vegard Heggem. Gerard Houllier claims he always saw Steven Gerrard as a central midfielder, but I remember it differently. Out on the right side of the field I remember hearing him shout for the ball from Paul Ince, which duly came, before attempting a cross that barely made it off the ground. “Send him back” was the verdict from behind me. We all had a laugh and went home with a 2-0 win leaving us in eighth place. Continue Reading

Hardly time to draw breath after the holiday feast of football before we are back into it. Some sides were treated well by Santa, Citeh, Southampton and Hull amongst them, whilst others only had Scrooge visit – West Ham, Sunderland and Chelsea featuring prominently. The nature of the Premier League’s international make-up is also accentuated this weekend with both the African Cup of Nations and the Asian Cup taking their toll on several teams.

One thing that was confirmed for me over the holidays is what a shallow, immature, selfish, spoilt bunch of Managers the modern professional era has created. The likes of Moaning Mourinho and Mary Van Gaal were top of the bitching list. To complain that players are unable to cope with two games in three days is laughable. Mary even stated that it had been scientifically proven that it was impossible. He even cited the poor second half performance of Spurs and United as testament to this. Bollocks you lightweight ponce. What about the times Spurs and United were crap after having a week’s break as has been the case many times this season? It is a bad portent for the future of the game and it’s potential to inspire when Managers are not able to take responsibility for their sides failings and to look for any other excuse. Their constant criticism of referees is disgraceful and shows the lack of personal growth and maturity of those in charge of most top clubs. A man should take the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune on the chin, dust themselves off and get up ready for another scrap. Instead they bitch and moan like seven year olds and constantly bring the game into disrepute. They should be ashamed of themselves but are too far up their own backsides to see how awfully they are behaving.

Now that I have got that off my chest here are my views on how the precious little darlings and their tribe of overpaid prima donnas will fare this weekend… Continue Reading

A weekend where perhaps some fatigue was starting to show with many games failing to live up to the season’s previous high standard. The top two sides played the bottom sides but basically just went through the motions to get the win (motions is quite an appropriate word considering how sh&t their opposition was). Other games saw the Clarets stick their nostrils out of the mire to smell some fresh air, the Swans once again had their wings clipped by the Cockerels, the Villans get slowly Throstled and Mary Van Hairstyle somehow conjures up another three points leaving Brendan Rodgers looking more like a depressed bloodhound than ever. For this and more… Continue Reading

Just when you thought the title race was over. A busy nine days has seen huge changes in the Premier League with Chelsea being reined in and QPR climbing out of the basement. Amongst other happenings, the Gunners fire blanks in the Potteries, the Swans get a right proper Xmas Carroll-ing, the Tigers and Baggies offer a new remedy for insomnia and Spurs continue to be rubbish. For this and more, read on… Continue Reading

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